We are His creations, His vessels, each of us made unique to serve Him & His Kingdom in different ways. None of us will look the same. Many times it doesn't feel good to be molded into the image of Jesus, but once He changes us, we come forth from the "Refiner's Fire", made more precious than gold, we see how we have changed and grown and this is a treasure we posses before eternity comes. The lessons I've learned, the dross in me that's been left behind because of my 'suffering', is a wealth that I'd never give up. 
I come to know, not only in my head, but in my heart the promises in Romans 5:3-4, which say, "More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope..."

"Secure."
Acrylic, 2013.


"Then the trees of the field shall yield their fruit, and the earth shall yield her increase.  They shall be safe in their land; and they shall know that I am the Lord, when I have broken the bands of their yoke and delivered them from the hand of those who enslaved them. Ezekiel 34:27

"You are secure not because you are in control or have understanding. You are secure even though you are weak, imperfect and shortsighted. You are secure for one reason and one reason alone: God exists and He is your Father." 
~ Paul Tripp in "A Shelter in the Time of the Storm."

Oil Painting, 2006
Psalm 71:14  
"As for me, I will hope continually for your help and will praise you yet more and more."

Something that really helped me in times of suffering was reading the psalms and praying them back to God.  In the book of Psalms, we have shocking honesty and glorious hope coming together. The Psalms encourage us to come to God we are, honestly, to a Loving Father who is near. The words of the psalmist gave words to my inexpressible feelings in such a lonely place as caregiving.

Original pastel. Three losses in 8 days. My heart is heavy. I am attached to this scripture because it deeply moves me as it so accurately describes the thought of grief~ the weariness, the thought of my heart simply dissolving into the emotion...the revisiting of this unwanted experience of having to let go, over & over again. It feels intensely, 'not right'. My heart was not made for this. Originally, my heart was made for Eden. The intensity of the struggle drives me clinging to the words of my heavenly Father. Nothing else suffices except His promises. They serve as rays of Hope. Every inch of my being longs for heaven~ just as the angel trumpets in my yard stretch toward the sun with all they have and follow that source of light across the sky~ reaching out to their strength, so I reach for my strength & receive it directly from His hand. <3 Psalm 119:28.